Trashy Reports

Why Though?

Penny is a very spiritually minded person,
but she also kind of a bitch.

(As you would expect from a Leo with Virgo Rising.)
Delving into our lives and astrology is not all rainbows and sunshine... Sometimes we need to shine a light on the darker aspects of who we are.

WIll This Hurt Me?

I actually hope that it won't. That is not my intention.

Why should I... Why would I... Why...?

If you want to know some intense truths about yourself and possibly correct some things that you may not like... then you should get a report from this page.

Psycho Asteroid Report


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Are you psychotic?
Or maybe your lover is and you need to get a reading for them.

Those wild asteroids are what reveals the real truth!

This report looks at a specific group of asteroids to find out how wild and psychotic someone truly is!
(Please note that this is not a real psychiatric evaluation.)

Lilith Report


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Lilith is the less savory and less "socially acceptable" part of your personality.

This report covers the following topics:
The Really Effed Up Thing About You,
How You Use This to Your Advantage,

and Conflicts This May be Causing.

If you want to be ripped to shreds, find out what you do to drive other people nuts, and possibly debate trying to correct your behavior, then this report is for you!

Yearly reports available after initial purchase.    

Full on Flame War


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Feel the burn with this soul-shattering Flame War of an astrological report.

1,000+ words on your utterly hilarious insecurities.

This report will arrogantly gloss over your astrological chart in its entirety, including signs, houses, planets, and aspects.